Monday, May 19, 2008

Realisation

I've only recently started accepting that despite my somewhat irrational objections whenever someone else has said it, I'm actually in my late twenties. That's a scary thought, especially as I'm nowhere near achieving what I thought I would have achieved by now when I was eighteen. And its even scarier given I still seem to be trying to hang on to my youth! Despite the fact that my hangovers are getting worse, that most men seem to young to be out let alone chatting me up and that I sometimes complain that the music seems to be playing too loud or that there are no seats in some clubs, I'm still acting like I'm twenty three.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think there's anything wrong with continuing to have an active social life, no matter how old you are. I think the worse thing anyone can do, even when they're married and have kids, is forget how to have fun. But there does come a point when you need to change the type of socialising you do, and that's where I'm at now. I'll always love to dance. And I'll always love cheesy music. Plus karaoke. BUT, its time to start going to places with a slightly older clientèle. Its not fun when eighteen year olds start flirting with you, especially when you know it means one of three things: a) they're desperate for sex and will chat up anything b) their friends have dared them to chat up an older woman or c) they have a mummy fixation. None are good. And none are an ego boost...

I guess I'm just starting to realise the extent to which most of my friends are by now married, engaged or living with someone. Some have kids, and others are planning to have them soon. I'm not ready for any of that for the foreseeable future but it doesn't stop me wondering how I've ended up choosing a different path. Am I selfish that I still feel too young to want that at the moment? Or have I just not met the right person? I'm not sure. I'm certainly happy for my friends who are settled and happy. But I'm not jealous. Well, not yet anyway!

Everyone grows up at different points in their lives. Up until we are sixteen, most of us seem to be on the same track. Then we go our separate ways, at different paces. There's no wrong or right way to go about things - everyone has to do what's right for them. And the beauty of it, you can always change your life if you so wish to do so. We only get one chance to be happy, and I think life is too short to make the choices that you think you should be doing to please everyone else, and yet leave you feeling miserable.

So, in a nutshell, that's my excuse for being where I am and how I am! God, I really am rambling in this blog...

2 comments:

Ordovicius said...

Being 35, I can confidently say that it's all down hill from here

Heledd Fychan said...

That's a depressing thought, thanks! Hopefully there are some good things about getting older...